Joie de vivre

As a new wave of desolation and worthlessness, combined with plenty of self-doubt and insecurity, stroke me heavily these days, I thought it might be the perfect moment to look back into what 2015 brought me (and it is not little thing!). In this way, I may see myself as a better person than the negative feelings make me look like; plus, I made a promise that at the end of each year/beginning of the next year I will check what I've done from my "100" bucket list . The initial list was in Romanian, however I will translate it into English. As I noticed that I have numerous views from abroad, from probably non-Romanian speaking readers, I thought it might be a sign of respect to make my posts more international . :) Below, the blue posts are the ones accomplished this year. Sa ma nasc. (To be born) Sa implinesc 18 ani. (To get 18) Sa particip la consursuri si spectacole de dans. (To take part in dance contests and shows) Sa nu scriu nimic la un test si sa-l

Când nu se poate, nu se poate. Când ceva este imposibil, lasă-l să fie.  Nu obseda. Nu dispera. Nu forța. Sigur faci mai rău. Iar din momentul în care te calmezi, numai lucruri bune se întâmplă.   Here, in the calm after the storm.

Mijn droom houdt me op de been.

"When I read this task, the first thought that crossed my mind was "I have never spent a dear on anything, neither did the others around me, so what should I write about?" But shortly after that, something inside me drew my attention to a really expensive resource (or 'thing', as to use the word stated in the task) I possess: my time. Time is relative. It is a convention. I will not get into philosophical details (even though I would like to, hehe); all I say is, time might be worthy for ones and worthless for others; yet this is the most important resource. Why? Because it is not material. You can't buy it, unfortunately for those filthy rich humans who believe they have the entire world by the tail just because their money. You can't touch it, but you feel it, especially when it passes. However, it behaves like a gift. You are offered it and you can offer it to the others in return. As a result, you send off a part of you which will never come back.

"Tell me, Tell me that you want me And I'll be yours completely For better or for worse. [...] You make my heart feel like it's summer When the rain is pouring down You make my whole world feel so right when it's wrong. [...] When we are together you make me feel Like my mind is free And my dreams are reachable. You know I never ever believed in love; Or, believed one day That you would come along and free me."

I'm going to carry on, to grin and bear, to swallow my tears, to follow my dream mercilessly. I want to overcome darkness, I want to crawl through it only guided by a beating heart. I will grow, I will rise and shine, I will be the best version of myself.  And nothing and nobody can stop me.

          Oare între muză și artist se dezvoltă o relație mai profundă? Oare are loc un soi de transfer de energie? Astfel încât muza fără artist se simte subapreciată și neimportantă, iar artistul fără muză – o entitate fără scop, care doar plutește prin viață?           Căci artistul a plecat de lângă muză… Și muza a luat-o pe drumul ei, dar artistul a fost cel care a provocat ruptura. Acum simte că țelul lui a fost șters, uitat…           Oare muza ce face? Simte și ea ce ar trebui să simtă?

           Fă-mi o favoare și dispari din viața mea. Permanent și irevocabil.           Îmi faci rău, îi facem rău. Mă faci să mă urăsc. Mă faci să simt toate acele sentimente negative care nu mă lasă să dorm noaptea până nu le scriu.           Te iubesc, dar te rog să pleci. Pentru totdeauna!