"How does depression really feel?" - an article by Laurence White

"If depression is more insidious -- and more misunderstood -- than other disorders, it is because its core symptoms are mental and emotional. This can make it difficult to distinguish the person from the disease, as our thoughts and emotions define who we are. This confusing of the person with the disease is not confined to non-sufferers; when the depression is especially bad, I lose the ability to remind myself that this is not me.
[...]
And there is something more to depression, which is hard to put into words adequately: it wants to kill you. In the lowest lows, the darkest depths, it makes you "understand" that you need to be dead. The necessity and inevitability of suicide becomes as self-evident as one plus one equals two. You find yourself wondering why you haven't done it yet. What's holding you back? What is this week's lame excuse for continuing, when the future holds only more pain and failure?
[...]
I have been through every form of therapy and medication. One pill helps a little. Very little. Antidepressants are not "happy pills"; they are "painkillers." Just as an aspirin may hold a headache or toothache at arm's length for a while, antidepressants (if you're lucky) may help dull the edges. At least a little. At least for a while. You take what you can get.
[...]"

Whole article here.

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