Why and how are we hurt
"[...] And three little gestures that made my day collapse, and another one that made it back completely. Or that's what I hope. I hope I don't deceive myself again.
I don't want to write about them, though. I only want to highlight that if I don't stop exaggerating things, I will probably not survive.
But this is simply a part of my personality that it seems impossible to change.
The advantage is that I'm easy to please; there are those little gestures that you're not even aware of, that matter the most and that make me the happiest. It's proven: the little gestures show you the sheer feelings of that person. But can you even imagine how it feels when you realize that that 'special' person doesn't give a damn about you, when they actually say they do? In a way, this is a quality, so you know who that person actually is.
On the other hand, it's the most painful shortcoming. A single sentence, even a single word, a tiny gesture, would make my world collapse. And they bring back to light flashbacks with all those sleepless, sorrowful nights...
I thought I got over it. I had a few relationships since then, and I thought I was happy. However, people never care about one's happiness. My heart endured a lot back then; every piece of myself has scars, this is how shocked and touched I was.
I'm still in recovery. Yes, I'm still recovering. There are two and a half years since then, and I'm still recovering. Quite sad..."
I don't want to write about them, though. I only want to highlight that if I don't stop exaggerating things, I will probably not survive.
But this is simply a part of my personality that it seems impossible to change.
The advantage is that I'm easy to please; there are those little gestures that you're not even aware of, that matter the most and that make me the happiest. It's proven: the little gestures show you the sheer feelings of that person. But can you even imagine how it feels when you realize that that 'special' person doesn't give a damn about you, when they actually say they do? In a way, this is a quality, so you know who that person actually is.
On the other hand, it's the most painful shortcoming. A single sentence, even a single word, a tiny gesture, would make my world collapse. And they bring back to light flashbacks with all those sleepless, sorrowful nights...
I thought I got over it. I had a few relationships since then, and I thought I was happy. However, people never care about one's happiness. My heart endured a lot back then; every piece of myself has scars, this is how shocked and touched I was.
I'm still in recovery. Yes, I'm still recovering. There are two and a half years since then, and I'm still recovering. Quite sad..."
Originally written: Jan 2014
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