Back & Forth

"Why do I wholeheartedly want us to talk, but I can't text him? Why do I breathlessly wait for a message, but when I receive it I postpone, I avoid reading it, moreover I'm afraid to? Why do I want closeness, but when he gets closer I make a huge fool of myself hoping that this will push him away? What do I even hope, in fact?

That he would come and stay and that he would not get close and that he likes me and that he won't...

An unlucky will be the victim of this inner violent storm of mine. I hope I'll be the karma, otherwise I'll feel guilty."


Originally written: Feb 2016

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